THE COLOR OF THE DARK

 

ONLY TIME CAN TELL

 

Golden sunlight on the highway

Emerald green and royal blue

So many wrongs to find the right way

And to find my way back to you

 

All hands up high, and all is forgiven

We have all been given second chances

In all of mine, every life’s a moment

Every high’s an omen, keep the fire going

 

Some things, I’ve heard, only time can tell

And time is nothing if not honest

Of all the things that time will break

Time will never break a promise

 

Glowing halos on the highway

The angels in their Sunday best

Thought the lights were coming my way

But they just keep passing on the left

 

Chin up high, like we’re going somewhere

And all our friends will be there, saving our seats

And every night we’ll see the moon up there grinning

And the world keeps spinning, as we lose our limits

 

Some things, I’ve heard, only time can tell

And time is nothing if not honest

Of all the things that time will break

Time will never break a promise

 

All hands up high, and all is forgiven

We have all been given second chances

In all of mine, every life’s a moment

Every high’s an omen, keep the fire going

 

 

GETAWAY CAR

 

I was up with the birds on the billboard signs 

I was fumbling my words, but the words were mine

I was under a sky of a billion stars

I was holding the keys to a getaway car

 

Give me one, give me two, all the thoughts in your head

Let’s toss all our tables over the edge

All the things that we bring, that we say we find

There’s a tree older than all of them combined

 

In a lone silhouette, watch him ride them in

See the moon in the west like a vitamin

With her 10,000 year regimen

Maybe I can feel the calm of the ocean wind

 

I thought the sky was brightening

But it was only lightning, after all

I thought the sky was brightening

But it was only lightning, after all, after all…

 

Put it all inside your paper heart

And wait for the pieces to come apart

I’ll be your tape, your super glue

We’ll find all the ways to make it true

 

I was opening up like a lotus flower

I was filling my cup but the milk was sour

I was fixing to fade like the twilight blue

All the things that were me that you said were you

 

In a wave, in a grain, in speck of dust

When a seabird glides on a violent gust

When the water roars and you hold the reins

Like rivers from space look like human veins

 

I thought the sky was brightening

But it was only lightning, after all

I thought the sky was brightening

But it was only lightning, after all, after all, after all, after all…

Oh look, the sun is rising, the universe is smiling

 

 

THE RHYME IS NOT THE MEANING

 

What’s the color of the dark?  I think I heard you call it heather

Hear the drummer of your heart playing the rhythm of forever

Tell me nothing in a letter, tell me something with a look

I just want to be the person in that picture that you took

I’m not saying you were wrong, I’m not saying there’s an answer

Just thought maybe I could be the song, and you could be the dancer

 

Just like Guthrie kept believing that his song was glory bound

I know the rhyme is not the meaning, just a satisfying sound

 

On a distant desert island, you’re the book that I’d take with me

I’d love you line by line and hope I never reach the ending

I’m out here using all my senses, trying to step on every stair

I’ve been tearing down my fences while the rest are painting theirs

I’m not saying you were morning, I’m not saying I was evening

I’m just saying there’s a number turning every odd to even

 

When the record keeps repeating, it’s OK to slow it down

No, the rhyme is not the meaning, just a satisfying sound

 

Stolen seconds, borrowed blankets, running circles through a thicket

Surfing channels like a poet, trade the warnings for a ticket

There’s a raccoon on the highway, there’s a burglar in my blood

Looking for a word to pocket, pulling halos from the mud

All the cats you thought you copied, they’re all copy cats too

I believe in every thing like I believe in every you

 

Some things have to be lost before you get to call them found

I know the rhyme is not the meaning, just a satisfying sound

Some things have to be lost before you get to call them found

I know the rhyme is not the meaning, just a satisfying sound

 

 

JOSHUA TREE, 83

 

I saw you smile like a child

In a photograph, you didn’t know you had

The dog-eared corner poking out from a pile

Labeled Joshua Tree, 83

And you were only 7 when you drove across

All 11 states to the Everglades

And you saw things you thought were only make believe, 

And a line was drawn all the way to me

 

And Dad kept trying to show you how to find Orion

And every night the stars came out

He’d kiss your cheek for trying to understand

 

The day he carved the wooden dragonfly

And the fragile wings started fluttering in your imagination

And what’s the thing he used to call you then?

My little hummingbird, my little canyon wren

And you learned all the names of every constellation

You’re a scientist, still trying to prove that god exists 

Inside of you, and every night you count the Seven Sisters 

 

And you sit and listen, for a distant whisper 

Is there something missing?  Did he even miss her?  

And this faded picture is the only proof it ever even happened

 

 

THE LINING

 

Chased you through the yard, the day you got your scar

Gave it to the stars for shining

Passed the patterns down, the dust in Saturn’s crown

The day you finally found the lining 

 

The stones will come loose in time, don’t lose your mind

This is only temporary, don’t lose your mind

 

The cares you couldn’t flee, you tossed them in the sea

The holes you couldn’t keep from finding

Tried to take it slow, straight and narrow

But every road you know is winding 

 

The stones will come loose in time, don’t lose your mind

This is only temporary, don’t lose your mind

 

 

BRIGHTER DAYS

 

I threw the pictures in the fire when the walls fell down 

Bending like a wire in the meltdown, never better

Who’s to say that you were right or somewhere written down?

It was in every past battle we’re fighting for, here at the start of it

And you were ahead of me, somewhere in the fold

 

Maybe instead of me worrying

I’m gonna live in the brighter days

I wanna start all the changes

If somebody’s gotta win the race, might as well be me

 

Every word, every thought, every palindrome

Every night you make plans to be alone, you were mine

If a mind is made up of only memories

I’d probably wind up playing bass in a 70’s cover band

But I could stand

 

Nobody said it’d be easy

I wanna live in the brighter days

Don’t wanna live in the fading

If somebody’s gotta win the race, might as well be me

 

If only you could’ve laughed

If only we could’ve lasted

If only I could’ve left

Not gonna live in the past

 

 

TIDAL WAVES

 

I am not of the East or West

I was lost before I left

Crossed the miles the wild gave

It’s all been coming back in tidal waves

 

The battles fought deep in my bones

That I was taught by the water and stone

Where ties and rests fill up the staves

It all keeps coming back in tidal waves

 

Oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oooh

I’m headed wherever the river’s flowing

Oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oooh

I’m going wherever the wind is blowing

 

Traced her lines right off the page                     

The folds and winds, the sand and sage             

Tossed what some might try to save

It’s all been coming back in tidal waves

She blends the black and white with shades of gray

 

Oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oooh

I’m headed wherever the river’s flowing

Oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oooh

I’m going wherever the wind is blowing

Oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oooh

Smoke in my eyes, keep the fire going

Oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oooh

I’m going wherever the wind is blowing

 

 

ALL THE WAY TO NOWHERE

 

May was called down through the colors

Just in time to see the bloom

She was out looking for something

Howling verses at the moon

 

And with one hand out the window

Combing her fingers through the wind

While the other hides her smile

All the way to nowhere again

 

She could hear it in the wind chimes

She could feel it in the ground

Me, I was lost out in the ether 

Just so glad she ever came around 

 

And with one hand out the window

Combing her fingers through the wind

While the other hides her smile

All the way to nowhere again

 

All the way to nowhere, all the way to nowhere again

All the way to nowhere, all the way to nowhere again

All the way to nowhere, all the way to nowhere again

All the way to nowhere, all the way to nowhere again

 

 

WHERE I CALL MY HOME

 

Heaven is just beyond the trees

Leaves are turning golden, blowing in the breeze

Tethered, we’ll never be again

Together through the ether, feathers on the wind

 

Out in the endless open blue

Darling, every moment is better next to you

Shadows of juniper and pine

Are moving through the meadows, blurring all the lines

 

And that’s okay, yeah, we can roam

Wherever you are is where I call my home

 

I know where time is just a number 

And I count what I please

I know where to find my heaven

Just beyond the trees

Leaves are turning golden, blowing in the breeze

 

We’re goin’ where time is standing still

Forever in a second, just over the next hill

Glowing fire and wooden flame

There’s snow up in the high hills, and I’m so glad you came

 

Let’s throw the map away …. yeah, we can stay

Right where we are … under these shining stars 

Oh that’s okay … yeah, we can roam

Darling, wherever you are… that’s where I call my home

You’re where I call my home

 

 

THE GARDEN AND THE GRAVE

 

Been out among the ocotillo, the vultures and the sun 

Was hoping I’d find all the answers but I’d settle just for one 

The table and the crumbs

 

Thought time was moving slowly, but now it’s passing me

Been chasing the coyote, but now she’s after me

A bottle in the sea

 

The river’s running wild now and I’m staring at the waves

I feel just like a child now, so glad for what it gave

The echo in the cave

 

I used to shut my eyelids and listen for the dawn

Infinity in circles, there’s no right where there’s no wrong

The singer and the song

 

So often it’s what isn’t that tells you what it is

The moon is waning crescent but she keeps her smile hid

The buyer and the bid

 

The ocean of the great North, the rhythm of the waves

The passage that we paid for, that road was never paved

The garden and the grave

 

© 2025 all rights reserved

STARING AT THE SUN

 

Look up, and see the endless ages

Watch the changing phases of the moon

Nothing is gonna last forever

And this’ll all be over soon

 

All the light in your eyes reflecting 

The planets intersecting with the stars

You’re seeing things in the constellations

The quiet revelations of your heart, of your heart, of your heart…

 

Remember what it was like just staring at the sun

Remember what it was like just staring at the sun

 

And then it came

Like a rushing river

You’re holding back the shivers

Like we did when we were kids

And all the time 

Is slipping through our fingers

We’re all just trying to linger

A little longer, and keep it lit

 

This light, this light, this light, this light…

Isn’t all we’re ever meant to see

This life, this life, this life, this life, this life…

Isn’t all we’re ever meant to be

 

Remember what it was like just staring at the sun

Remember what it was like just staring at the sun

©2023.

 

IV

EVERYTHING I SAID YESTERDAY

 

Strike the match and light the lantern, watch the patterns on the wall

These parts are changing, they’re dark and strange now, I’m out of range and I can’t hear your call

 

Everything I said yesterday is shit I would never say to you now

 

Batten down the hatches, and try to imagine, everything that happens… happens for a reason

And where we started from, this broken-hearted bass drum’s been beating hard, but it’s a far cry from even

 

Everything I said yesterday is shit I would never say to you now

Did we really come all this way to watch the words fall away from our mouths?

 

How the hell did we find ourselves here?  The warning bell was ringing way before we heard it

And the writing on the wall was misspelled after all, why are we always the last to call it like we see it

 

Everything I said yesterday is shit I would never say to you now

Did we really come all this way to watch the words fall away from our mouths?

 

It’s like oil and water are one and the same

And we’re pouring the bottle over the flames

It’s like shattering windows to shut out the pouring rain

Are we watching the whole thing circle the drain?

 

EASY OUT

 

I heard you stole a sip from the holy water bowl

You’re pulling for a miracle to make the whole thing stop

You pray it pours and talk in fancy metaphors

And wonder what’s behind the doors of all the passing shops

 

When we were small, remember how we’d trip and fall

And clean the cuts with alcohol and cry until they healed

And even now, you’re sowing all your seeds of doubt

You always were an easy out, daydreaming in left field

 

You watched them draw the universe’s fatal flaw

Was that the curse that Adam saw the serpent give to Eve?

Just smile and wave and give the fuck that no one gave

Don’t press your luck or try to save the time that no one keeps

 

The time you stole a sip from the holy water bowl

Your voice was barely audible, a whisper on the wind 

Just try to feel, remember what you know is real

And put your hands back on the wheel, give it another spin

 

EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN

 

Like a call that’s never answered, I’ve been ringing off the hook

Hail Marys, taking chances, to take back all the time it took

The second son of a preacher’s daughter, I was raised on holy hymns

But I never tasted the river water, or felt it wash away my sins

 

And now we’re shouting hallelujah, without knowing what it means

You feel the power coursing through ya, like water through the evergreens

And you see it glowing on the screens, and everything in between

 

And now we’re seeing with brand new eyes, like we did when we were young

Like how we try to get our words out, before we learn to use our tongues

 

TALL BUILDINGS

 

We were under tall buildings, we were lost in the crowds

I heard you calling my name out, I saw your face in the clouds

 

They caught us climbing the ladders of the fire escapes

And we could only just make out what they were trying to say

 

And we could see our shadows getting longer

Every passing window was a mirror

Staring through the stained glass of the stone churches 

And all the neon words calling us in cursive

 

When we were under tall buildings like we were lost in the trees

An unfamiliar feeling, like we could suddenly breathe

 

Play it on a VCR, we’re ready to rewind

If we could turn every stone over, what would we find?

Hear it in the passing cars, we’re ready to rewind

Play it on a VCR, we’re ready to rewind

If we could turn every stone over, what would we find? 

 

I WAS SALT, YOU WERE THE SEA    

 

Say you want to stay, I could use the company

It was only yesterday, you were right in front of me

I was salt, you were the sea

 

Say you want to stay, I could use the company

A thousand miles away, you were right in front of me

I was salt, you were the sea

You were June and I was Johnny, singing perfect harmony

 

And right beside you, there’s a me-shaped hole that’s been pulling you sideways

Deep down inside, I know the universe wants to push us all the right way

 

So say you want to stay, cause I need you next to me

It was only yesterday, you were right in front of me

I was all that you could see, you were the moon and I was the ocean, tethered to your gravity

 

And right beside you, there’s a me-shaped hole that’s been pulling you sideways

Deep down inside, I know the universe wants to push us all the right way

 

 

GOD’S EMPTY CHAIR

 

It’s hard to see the blue below the surface, guess I just hope that it’s still there

As far as we can tell the world’s still turning, but for what and headed where? 

 

It’s hard to know which wat this path is going, can’t see the forest for the trees

So many things there’s just no way of knowing, the answer’s blowing on the breeze

 

And I’ve been underneath these waves just wondering 

If what’s in front of me is worth coming up for air 

The mountains will turn to dust, just like the rest of us

Our whole lives looking just to find God’s empty chair

 

We are the poets of this modern moment, the words are hanging on our tongues

And when we say them all our cards are showing, well better this than to have none

 

And I’ve been underneath these waves just wondering 

If what’s in front of me is worth coming up for air 

The mountains will turn to dust, just like the rest of us

Our whole lives looking just to find God’s empty chair

 

Who am I to say that I know anything at all?

Who am I to say that I know anything at all?

 

‘Cause I’ve been underneath these waves just wondering 

If what’s in front of me is worth coming up for air 

The mountains will turn to dust, just like the rest of us

Our whole lives looking just to find God’s empty chair

 

 

IN CURSIVE

 

Pick a random letter, put them all together in a line

Think of something clever, something that you never thought would rhyme

Spell it out in cursive, in a picture-perfect sky of blue

Line the clouds with verses, all of this to tell you I love you

 

I’ll see you sort of soon, some rainy afternoon

Maybe May or June, when flowers start to bloom

 

You were only trying, playing what the thought you never could

I can see the stars now, doing what you thought they never would 

 

I’ll see you sort of soon, some rainy afternoon

Maybe May or June 

When all I have to lose is feigning resolute, is playing by the rules

I’ll see you sort of soon

 

 

THE LAST ONE CLICK

 

It’s the bite in the bark, it’s the light in the dark, it’s a spark getting harder to see

And it’s just like the embers are part of the fire, but the flame never claimed to be free

And it’ll burn every branch, so you learn what you can, ‘til it turns what you planted to ashes

And every mile’s been a trial, but you keep climbing the pile, and all the while it’s been granting you passage

 

You couldn’t count all the killer’s notches, but still you tried

Like the black of the pillars cracking, caught in the corner of your eyes

And your building is tall, but you borrowed every brick

With every door about to close, well that’s just how the story goes

But it ain’t over ‘til you hear the last one click

 

We were tattered and torn, we were blind in the morning, we were born for the boredom of hue

And nobody thought to ask when the last one passed but it was cast in an ancient blue

And these words, they won’t dance where the answer’s a chance, where the candles still can’t get lit

And the sign on the door’s just a line from before, it’s a target you sure couldn’t hit

 

And heaven sent you a winking emoji in the night

‘Cause even angels know when the joke’s gone too far and the stained glass stops letting in the light

And your building is bought, but the universe has got other plans

And tomorrow’s been waiving from the window, you’ve been saving up your nickels for a halo you can hold, in your own two hands

 

 

MONTEREY

 

All the way from Monterey, be there by the 3rd

Call you from the interstate and try to find the words

 

I say more in the pauses now, and hear more in the rests

What all these lines are crossing out is anybody’s guess

 

All the way from Monterey, it’s either swim or sink

Way out past the bottleneck it’s deeper than you think

 

The white lines of the 101 are winding through the dark

The bright lights of the passing cars keep trying to leave a mark

 

What you said to pass the time is all you had to say

Out on the edge, just past the light is where I’m gonna stay

 

All the way from Monterey, with two words in the sand

Yeah I’m gonna find a better way to be a better man

 

All the way from Monterey, be there by the 3rd

Call you from the interstate and try to find the words

 

ALL BUT BEHIND US NOW

 

Drove through the night to see the sea, trading gas for poems

Tillamook to Toketee, Toyota take me home

Half the light’s behind us now, with half the day ahead

I half remember writing down, half of what you said

 

I’ll whisper you ya hallelujah, all the way up to the shining clouds

Leonard called it the minor fall, but the fall is all but behind us now

 

NOTHING LEFT TO BE

 

There it is again, that word unspoken 

No use in fixing what was never broken

And for you the gates were surely just hanging open... 

 

We gave your ashes to the soil and grass

Where time has nothing more to do but pass

Where all the wild blooms are blue and gold

With nothing more to be, but beautiful 

 

I wrote the letters down in steps and stages

I wrote the same ones passed down through the ages 

Then watched a gentle wind just turn the pages... 

 

And it’s a long way from here to heaven 

And there’s a garden here that still needs tending 

On this line that blurs the new and old 

There’s nothing left to be but beautiful 

 

There’s nothing left to be but beautiful 

 

GONE WITH THE WIND

 

I can see the sun is rising, illuminating the horizon

And every tear we’ve ever cried is gone with the wind

 

Watch the birds flying in circles, the sky is turning blue and purple

And all the pain we’ve ever felt is gone with the wind

 

Don’t try to chase it, it’s slowly erasing

Don’t try to chase it, it’s only the place we live

 

Never glance over your shoulder, you’ll understand when you get older

And none of this was ever planned, you’re raising your hand

 

Stand beside the endless ocean, life is forever in motion

Watch the waves topple the house you made in the sand

 

Don’t try to chase it

(the change we gave away, don’t ever be afraid to say)

It’s slowly erasing

(the change we gave away, don’t ever be afraid to say)

 

How I’ve tried to fix the wreckage, I never meant to mix the message

Crossing all the wires

See the light come through the curtains, nothing’s ever certain but I’m breathing now

I’m breathing now, and I believe in love

I believe in love, I believe in love

I believe in love, I believe in love

 

No one said it would be easy to see the forest for the trees, we

Wait for all the smoke to clear and dawn to begin…

 

The change we gave away, don’t ever be afraid to say

The change we gave away, don’t ever be afraid to say…

I believe in love

 

All songs by Joel Van Horne.

© 2021.

A Kind of Revelation

WHERE TO BEGIN

 

Where to begin?  

With the spring time coming around again

We were drenched in color, it was all we had for medicine

 

Through melting snow

We could see the green begin to grow

Every seed of summer was waiting for the wind to blow

 

And the cold will come again

Like the whole thing never happened

Like the story hadn’t passed the point of no return

We may never learn

 

Where were you when

We were still naïve and innocent?

Clinging to each other, not a tired root in the loose sediment

 

But who wants to know?

Every current has an ebb and flow

And you never know when the uplift will turn to undertow

 

Maybe I’ll be better then

Like the whole thing never happened

Like the story hadn’t passed the point of no return

We may never learn

We may never learn…

 

 

SIRENS OF THE SEA

 

Morning came golden like the universe was holding kerosene

And Apollo flicked his cigarette

All proud and mighty, trying to bluff out Aphrodite with the queens

But she always has the bigger bet

 

Like the Sirens of the Sea were singing for me

 

There’s no use in hiding that the trident of Poseidon was your crutch

Like everything you touched was water

Out on the high seas, trying to catch a glimpse of Pisces in the rough

But she spit out everything you brought her

 

Like the bells of the St. Marie were ringing for me

Like a seaborne symphony was suddenly sounding

And our hearts were the timpani quietly pounding

 

STONE AND CLAY

 

If only this train was bound for glory

If only this heart was made of gold

If only these words could tell the story

Of the kid that kept from getting old

 

But these pages will burn and blow away

And their ashes will turn to stone and clay

 

If only this train was bound for glory

If only these eyes could see it plain

The dust that settles in the early morning

Will be buried by the evening rain

 

But these pages will burn and blow away

And their ashes will turn to stone and clay

 

Nothing is carved in stone

 

GIANTS

 

Among the giants, I was lying just to try and measure up

Playing David and Goliath, acting like there never was

Something that separates the mighty from the broken winged dove

And I might find it out there hiding, if I was looking hard enough

 

I’ve spent enough time up against the ropes, just praying for the bell

So I know when to pick the stone up, and when to run like hell

 

While all the swarms, they swam the channel, I was standing ankle-deep

Paying dearly for admission, while they were getting in for cheap

Clinging tightly to the guard rails, watching lovers take their leap

Singing “I won’t wet my coat tails”, trying to steal a few more feet

 

And I learned it all from listening to the nocturne of the trees

So I know when to put my fists up, and when to whisper please 

 

Out on the prairie I was praying for a baptism by rain

For all the cherry trees to tremble in some kind of biblical refrain

Like from the moment the first drops fell on my face, I’d feel a change

And then my eyes would train their focus on the words and not the page

 

But I was taking it all for granted, like the sky would never dry

So I know when to take it all in, and when to close my eyes

 

Among the giants, I was lying just to try and measure up

Buying time before they noticed there’s just no way I’d make the cut

Looking straight-faced in the line-up, holding out my empty cup

When a giant dropped his coin in, before my hand could close it shut

 

I’ve seen a flower find its footing in the barren desert soil

So I know when to let it die down and when to bring it to a boil.

 

PASSING THROUGH

 

Suddenly, the spring was the summer

Out of the blue, everything was another color

Looking through the glass at you

 

I could see my own reflection

Next to you, looking back in the same direction

Then your train pulled out of view

 

Was it everything you thought?

Cut the cold hand from the knot

(and forget what you were taught)

Back when silence didn’t ring

But it just somehow seemed to sing out

If it was something I could bring back now…

 

Bathed in a light that seemed everlasting

Until the night it was bright red, flashing blue

I guess we’re all just passing through

Guess we’re all just passing through

We’re all just passing through

 

CAMINO REAL

 

Morning came blurry to watery eyes

Westbound I-80 as the drunken crow flies

We rang every bell down Camino Real

And sang every sad song ‘til every star fell

 

And it’s coming in waves down this royal highway

I can almost make out your name in the constellations

Cause there’s all kinds of ways that the notes find their staves

Just look at all those words on the page getting lost in translation

 

Clouds hug the coast like their leaving for good

And Vollebekk’s calling “she’s just like a book”

She promised she’d warn ya if it wasn’t enough

But old California’s been calling your bluffs

 

And it’s coming in waves down this royal highway

I can almost make out your name in the constellations

And there’s all kinds of ways that the lost can be saved

Just counting all those cracks in the pavement, looking for salvation

 

GHOST OF KEROUAC

 

One of these days I’ll wake up

And one of those waves will catch the light just right

The storm will break up, and the heavens will ignite

 

One of those things they told us

Would never come true just went ahead and did

And the light that holds us turned us back to wide-eyed kids

 

Like a dead poet come back, like the ghost of Kerouac

Like the ocean you’ve been staring at

Is just a photograph she gave ya

And the shores that you swore you were standing on 

Were just a story that you’ve been telling wrong

And you’ve been dwelling on the last line

Like it’s somehow gonna save ya

 

One of these days I’ll wake up

And all of these words will fall right in to place

Just for the sake of giving time a little space

 

One of these days I’ll make up 

For all of the breath I’ve wasted on the rain

And the space I take up won’t be taken in vain

 

Like a dead poet come back, like the ghost of Kerouac

Like the ocean you’ve been staring at

Is just a photograph she gave ya

And the shores that you swore you were standing on 

Were just a story that you’ve been telling wrong

And you’ve been dwelling on the last line

Like it’s somehow gonna save ya

 

MINER OF THIS HEART

 

Miner of this heart, black with soot and dark with stain

Been pushing up these empty carts, been betting on these empty veins

Miner of this heart, breathing in what could one day kill me

Playing every part of this bittersweet symphony

 

But oh, every once in a while

Oh, I can hear the violins

Slowly, the light comes shining in

And the low flame that flickered turns to sunlight on my skin

 

When the stars are veiled, or just altogether imagined

When it’s hard to tell whether what you got’s even worth having

And the only thing turning gold is the leaves in autumn

And it’s hard to sing when you’re standing all the way at the bottom

 

But oh, every once in a while

Oh, I can hear the violins

Slowly, the light comes shining in

And the low flame that flickers turns to sunlight on my skin

 

A KIND OF REVELATION

 

I remember when a song was a kind of revelation, some sort of magic

In the low light, listening close, trying to hear Beethoven’s ghost, come through the static

Out of sight and out of mind, hid away for someone to find, up in the attic

Dust if off and watch it glow, take it back to when it all wasn’t so automatic

 

Now the angels huddle around the upright in the corner of the room

Like they’ve stumbled on the sweetest song, just to play it out of tune

Hear the preacher call out promises that nobody believes

Yeah, we’re climbing up the treetops, just to fall down with the leaves

 

Were we making up everything?  And now we’re waking up from a dream, like it never happened

Scan the stations and turn the dial, can we fake it just for a while? and try to imagine…

 

That the angels crowd the streets and croon in a perfect harmony

And I’m not out here, frozen like the words I couldn’t bring myself to be

All the preachers drank their Matadors and passed out in the park

Where the light won’t be mistaken for a flash out in the dark

 

© 2018.

the wild and free

PAST LIFE
 
In a past life, in the last light of a
Summer twilight, we were standing above the
Grand Canyon, holding on to each other
Hand in hand, we were awestruck by the colors
 
Then you asked me if I had another chance
Would I pass you by… never give a second glance?
Well I would do it all over, I would do it all over
I would do it all over, I would do it all over
 
SEE YOU IN THE SPRING
 
I’ll disappear into the trees
To parts that no one ever sees
And if you hear the faint release of my voice
 
Know that I will sing much louder in the spring time
These melodies that cling to life in the winter
Will blossom with the columbine and aster
When snow’s left lingering…
 
And we’ll be blinded by the daylight
Yes, we’ll always find it hiding right in the place we left it
Just hibernating…
 
I’ll disappear out on the open ocean
This sober fear and drunk devotion
Are all that I’ll be taking with me, by choice
 
But know that I will sing
It loud and clear, cause you found me here
And this sound will steer us home
 
See you in the spring, I'll see you in the spring...
 
BLIND SPOTS
 
With all our pains replaced with scars
Like planes mistaken for the stars
We set out hungry like some borrowed drifter’s appetite
 
Colored push-pins stuck in paper maps
And spinning globes, like turning laps
Had us all believing that we were satellites
Cause see those blind spots are beautiful
And I’ve got to see them for myself, not
Through someone else’s lens
Oh, this passenger plane will be our traveling train
But either way we won’t be chained up again
 
And we’ll be pavement-chasing troubadours
Up through the peaks and down to the shores
Cause every place we’ve never seen before’s still waiting
 
Let’s go always where the weather’s changing
Forever leaving, never saying goodbye ‘til the music’s playing
Off the pages…
 
Cause see those blind spots are beautiful
And I’ve got to see them for myself, not
Through someone else’s lens
Oh, this passenger plane will be our traveling train
But either way we won’t be chained up again
 
THE WILD AND FREE
 
I’ve been closing my eyes to see
All the places I’d rather be
We belong in fields of wildflowers
Just losing count of all the days and hours
 
Let’s tell everyone we’re leaving
Just vanish for no good reason
I heard there was better breathing
Out there in the wild and free, cause there is a child in me
 
I’ve been pacing this same old trail
Feels like I’m chasing some unholy grail
We belong to a wild, untethered wind
With our fates like feathers, weathering what ever’s up ahead
 
Let’s tell everyone we’re leaving
Just vanish for no good reason
I heard there was better breathing
Out there in the wild and free, cause there is a child in me
 
I hope these holes in our clothes
Will help us keep from growing old
And let the cold in just enough
To keep us holding on to who we love
And I know this heart was meant for something more
And I know we’re farther gone than ever before
And it all just came into focus
And now we’re standing in the rain, just letting it soak us
 
Let’s tell everyone we’re leaving
Just vanish for no good reason
I heard there was better breathing
Out there in the wild and free, cause there is a child in me
 
LANTERN
 
Well, it’s the way it goes like the hungry crows
Combing the endless highway graves
And like the drifter throws up his thumb and goes
Hoping to find the high he craves
 
And like the ocean shows us what she knows just
Down below the waves
When you’re both the captain calling out and the crewmen crawling out
Just looking up, amazed
 
Isn’t it always the things you try for can float just out of reach
Just a mirage that fades out moments before breaking through the breach
 
Well I guess you pick your poison, and mix the oils and
Water like it will
'Cause it’s a drink of joys and pains and toils
Only the lucky ones can spill
 
And if you feel like running from the fate that’s coming for you
Well you might just get in line
When you’re both the engine turning and the sparkplugs burning out
With just one more hill to climb
 
Isn’t it always the things you try for can float just out of reach
Just a mirage that fades out moments before breaking through the breach
And wasn’t it fall then winter, spring then summer twenty times at least?
And doesn’t it all feel like the perfect sunrise, but your back’s turned to the east?
 
So raise your glass with me
These days are passing us by
No use in asking why
'Cause we’re all fastened to the mast, and
Last I looked, we’re just casting hooks in the wind
Like something is bound to bite
Like the moth is bound to the lantern's light
 
GO EASY
 
Go easy on me, dear
I’ll be there soon
For three seasons, gone wayfaring
But I’ll rest come June
 
And if I leave a sign behind me
Will you try to come and find me?
Through the pines and the snow
Through the tall grass and woodlands
Will you follow my footprints?
To the place that only we know
 
Go easy my darling one
The sea is calm now
There’s no pleasing our restless bones
Save chasing the sun
 
And if I leave a sign behind me
Will you try to come and find me?
Through the pines and the snow
Through the tall grass and woodlands
Will you follow my footprints?
To the place that only we know
 
Follow all the traces that we left
All over the places that we used to know
With only a path through the pines
We could go back and find what we lost
Somewhere along the line
 
SCARS (WHAT WE'RE MADE OF)
 
You wear those scars like proof
That you have lived the truth
'Cause we are meant to fade
It’s what we’re made of
 
A fragile fleeting turn
A candlestick that’s burning
And I’ve been learning how to wake up, to wake up
 
And so, it’s like you’ve always been told
The fire won’t keep you from the cold
But it can glow enough to save us
And though it’ll flicker and spark
The light won’t keep you from the dark
But it will show you what you’re made of, what you’re made of
 
Do you remember when we were ten and still trying
To pretend that we would never be older
Well I remember the cut and I saw your blood and you were crying
All of a sudden we were a little bit colder
 
And so, it’s like you’ve always been told
The fire won’t keep you from the cold
But it can glow enough to save us
And though it’ll flicker and spark
The light won’t keep you from the dark
But it will show you what you’re made of, what you’re made of
 
With parts in disrepair, and the fix was temporary
We were speeding on the spare
With our hearts just spilling out, it was all that we could carry
We were needing proof beyond the shadow of a doubt
 
And so, it’s like we’ve always known
We’ll all be reaping what we’ve sewn
And we won’t be keeping what we’ve saved up
And these scars are proof that we were here
That we were young and free of fear
And we grew old enough to find out
What we’re made of
 
THE MEDICINE
 
Do you remember the first time
Somebody told you to forget everything you know?
Like it was all in the last life
And now it’s time to move on and let it go
 
Well I guess we should’ve known better than to question it
I guess we should’ve known better than to swallow the medicine
We should’ve known better than to shut it out
I guess we should’ve known better than to let it in
 
It could’ve been us in the backseat
It could’ve been us just keeping to ourselves
Like it was all in a daydream
And we can almost remember how it felt
And the way we looked out the windows
And saw the world pass through our reflections
I never thought we could lose our way
I never thought we’d be asking for directions
 
We should’ve known better than to question it
We should’ve known better than to swallow the medicine
I guess we should’ve known better than to shut it out
We should’ve known better than to let it in
 
It was the last thing I heard you say
That it’ll happen anyway
No matter what you do or say
It’s gonna happen anyway.

© 2015.  All lyrics by Joel Van Horne (BMI).
 

Covenhoven (self-titled)

YOUNG AT HEART
Joel Van Horne

I've always been young at heart 
Right from the very start 
Dreaming of where wild things are 
And hitching my wagon to stars 

I'm pinching my hands 'til I'm sure that I'm still alive 
Watching the sand slip through my fingers, I've been 
Abandoning safe bets for fleeting highs 
Hoping the ocean won't take what's materialized too soon... 

I've always been an old soul 
Empty has always been full 
Lost is my own kind of found 
And silence, my favorite sound 

I'm pinching my hands 'til I'm sure that I'm still alive 
Watching the sand slip through my fingers, I've been 
Abandoning safe bets for fleeting highs 
Hoping the ocean won't take what's materialized too soon...

A LOVE SINCERE
Joel Van Horne

In the summer of my seventh year 
I was overcome with a love sincere 
Quiet forests around the still blue waters 
There before us, a single moment taught us 

We will always know where the tall grass grows 
And the sun makes a window in the clouds, where the shadows fill with light 

In another life I was a flower in a meadow 
Sipping soil in the hills of Colorado 

We will always know where the clocks hands slow 
Where the wild winds blow 'cross the Medicine Bows 
We were young and bright eyed 
Standing still and tongue-tied 
Hearing music for the first time 
Symphonies conducted by the swaying grass on the hillsides... 

Staring in to dying embers, forever we thought we'd be the flames 
We promised we'd remember, and like the evergreens we would never change...

MISSING PARTS
Joel Van Horne

Light a fire, this cold night has only just begun 
And I'm a liar for when I told you that soon we would see the sun 
I require a better reason than running just to run 
So light a fire, and we just might escape this web we've spun 

Somewhere out there in the dark 
I still believe we'll find our hearts 
And all we'll need's a tiny spark 
To get 'em started and all our missing parts 
Will be put back again 

Only just yesterday we were slowly dying 
Yeah, the rust was covering up the truth that we were trying 
It's not enough to chop the tree and burn its bleeding limbs 
When the dust settles, it's you and me still stuck beneath our skin 

Somewhere out there in the dark 
I still believe we'll find our hearts 
And all we'll need's a tiny spark 
To get 'em started and all our missing parts 
Will be put back again... 

I will love you like the kids do 
no one else has a clue 
I will love you like the kids do 
cause no one else has the slightest clue 
I will love you like the children do 
no one else has a clue 
I will love you like the kids do 
cause no one else has the slightest clue

WHO COULD CALL ME WRONG?
Joel Van Horne

It's gonna happen, like it or not 
Look all around you, the fire has caught 
It's moving up through your ceilings and floors 
No time to look through your closets and drawers 

Out of the windows, with the black smoke 
Goes the last hope of ever going back 
You couldn't hold on, I wouldn't let go 
But who could call me wrong? 

Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust 
Sometimes the last thing you want to do is the first thing you must 
No use in dreaming of joining the choir 
When you've been living in a building on fire 

Out of the windows, with the black smoke 
Goes the last hope of ever going back 
You couldn't hold on, I wouldn't let go 
But who could call me wrong? 

The ground gave out and down it came 
And all our tears couldn't drown the flames

THESE TEETH
Joel Van Horne

These teeth were made to cut, I 
Have not forgotten but I 
Don't use them like I should, I 
have let them go dull 

The sharp blade I'm holding on to 
It was made to cut and tear through 
All that would stand and try to 
Tame my animal 

I'm perched up high, scanning the plains 
Through these bloodshot eyes, cold as the falling rain 

There's an old black car coming up in the driveway slowly 
And he's holding up a sign for me 
Singing 'who you are is only what you remember of me' 
Can't put my finger on it, I turned my head but never saw anything 

There are white lines on westbound pavement 
And bright signs shouting destinations 
It's no surprise then if I should decide just to see what's there 

And there's an old ghost walking out there somewhere 
Along the coast of the middle of nowhere 
And I've been closer than most might think to becoming his heir 

I'm perched up high, scanning the plains 
Through these bloodshot eyes, cold as the falling rain 

There's an old black car coming up in the driveway slowly 
And he's holding up a sign for me 
Singing 'who you are is only what you remember of me' 
Can't put my finger on it, I turned my head but never saw anything

MY SEARCH PARTY
Joel Van Horne

I've been clinging to the life raft under me 
I've been lost out on the open sea 
I've been waiting here to meet my search party 
While you've been standing, all this time, right in front of me 

No matter what, however near or far 
No matter where you are, I will always be close to you 
Whichever way you take, no matter where you wake up 
I will always be close to you... 

I've been hanging from this limb, about to give 
Looking down with only seconds left to live 
I've been searching for a way to cut me free 
While you've been standing, all this time, right in front of me 

No matter what, however near or far 
No matter where you are, I will always be close to you 
Whichever way you take, no matter where you wake up 
I will always be close to you...

HATCHET
Joel Van Horne

Won't you steer the wheel steady 
And lead us home, leave the last city far behind 
Out there's a stillness standing ready 
Like a treasure for a lucky few to find 
We'll fix our gaze in one direction 
So our veins don't become tired and destitute 
I found my fuel to be no different 
From the water feeding up thirsty willow roots 

Slip down deep in a dream, make it last 'til it seems like the truth 
Moments are passing too fast now, see my last hours die like the spring flowers of my youth 
And all too soon I will be following suit 

In a dear and distant memory, forever our bones belong to a day on down the line 
And like the mirror ponds and meadows, our heads and hearts in shadows of the pines 
We'll take our moments like the monarchs, and our songs will all have sweet and bitter ends 
And like the rusty cans and ruins, we'll become dust and dandelions on the wind 

Slip down deep in a dream, make it last 'til it seems like the truth 
Moments are passing too fast now, see my last hours die like the spring flowers of my youth 
And all too soon I will be following suit 

Swing the hatchet, aim for the roots 
Break the branches and pile them to the roof 
It's all we have, this chance to start again 
So strike the matches, before the rain begins 
In broken fences, I found the frames 
To put my portraits and carve my names 
To places out past where our eyes can never see 
I promise to look for you if you say you'll look for me...

FOREST FIRE
Joel Van Horne

Blank, my paper folded up for flight 
But gravity just pulled it down 
All soiled and worn, a leaf reborn 
To feed the swarms, and I sold it out 
Then sank with all the buoyancy of breath 
As it's exiting my heavy chest 
When all is set a'blaze despite the ways 
You try and change its progress 

When chance lit the forest on fire and leveled all we'd 
Come to love and admire, up through the black floor 
Green stems grew up higher, and from that day we knew 
That flowers would bloom... 

Loose the knot and cut us from the cloth 
These nets that caught our hungry stares 
And showed us sight so plain, as right as rain 
The joy and pain of breathing air 
So open up your lungs and fill them up 
The songs I have sung, they started there 
And this, our hallowed ground now burning down 
The fate our hearts were bound to share 

When chance lit the forest on fire and leveled all we'd 
Come to love and admire, up through the black floor 
Green stems grew up higher, and from that day we knew 
That flowers would bloom...

ONE NIGHT
Joel Van Horne

Maybe we could get lost 
Yeah, we could be across the borderline 
By this time tomorrow as the sun goes down 

I heard they've got a place there 
That no one's bought or claimed their own 
Just the endless open world with no one around 

I just want to feel like we're the last two people alive, for one night 
A long way from home, surrounded by the simple unknown, for one night 

Honey, we've been spending 
All our time just ending days 
In an all too ordinary kind of way, of late 
And honestly, I miss you 
I wanna see your face all framed 
By the starlit skies, and see the ocean in your eyes 
As we wait for the sun to rise 

I just want to feel like we're the last two people alive, for one night 
A long way from home, surrounded by the simple unknown, for one night 

One day divides us, the lights fade behind us as we drive through the great wide open 
Northbound as far as this solid ground can take us, 'cause we're alive
And our eyes are wide with a hope in 'em

MY PARADISE
Joel Van Horne

I'm leaving this morning, for I don't know where 
Why? I'm not exactly sure, or even if I care 
There's been a knocking on my door, but when I look no one's there 
But the air untamed, unbridled, and unaware 

Long forgotten, good and lost 
No trail's been trodden, no range has been crossed 
Time's been frozen, veiled in ice 
This might be my paradise 

I could wear my fingers down to the bone 
Playing and singing, bound for nowhere known 
Up above the tree line, surrounded by sky and stone 
It might be that finally I have found a place to call my home 

Long forgotten, good and lost 
No trail's been trodden, no range has been crossed 
Time's been frozen, veiled in ice 
This might be my paradise, yeah this might be my paradise...


© 2013 - Joel Van Horne (BMI)  All Rights Reserved.